Why do i use meh so frequentley?

I used to be a poet.
I used to have the ability to describe the world from the view of the stars. Back when I had the vision to recognize the beauty in everything. Lately ive been quite the misanthrope. Just a flat out miserable person, but what bothers me about it is that I seem to be ok with this on some level. Im constantly judging everything and every action and personality everyone has/takes. Like its my fucking buisness. Its the city. I know it is. She has a grip on us that were all unaware of. Chicago the only place I have ever called home. She bleeds me dry, this fucking city. You cant escape her. Ever. No matter where you go, you always (at least) think about her. Until you come back. We all do. I hate the fact that a place so vampiric and cold is the place I feel the most comfortable. HATE it. Its the only place artists STILL make music about. I accept that the place of my birth will ultimately be the place of my death, but im not ready to die yet. Im getting that bug to move again. I miss Colorado to be honest. Reoccuring patterns are the worst. You know how and why things dont work, but feel inclined to do it again anyway. Dreams are fucked up too. Well, the filtering process of dreams to reality is. I feel like 90% of my life is determined by sociological influence. Like im afraid of forging my own way of doing things, which im clearly not, but almost. I used to be a great person, now im just ok. (this is by MY standards) I know there is no geographic solution to a mental problem, but damn if that doesnt feel like a lie...

Mentals?

Yup. Thats how im describing my cycles. Thoughts and fleeting feeling will be recorded here as opposed to my primary blog. The goal is for me to push all the garbage in my head somewhere other than my (semi) focused writing space. So without further ado, lets get to it.